Content note: This post discusses sexual assault without graphic details.
For many parents, preparing a child for college means campus visits, applications, and conversations about roommates, money, and independence.
It also needs to include conversations about consent, respect, and what to do when someone is being harmed.
Recent headlines about allegations of sexual violence on college campuses have been deeply unsettling. For parents and caregivers, they can raise a difficult question: Have we prepared our children for these situations as someone whose boundaries matter, as someone responsible for respecting others, and as a friend who may need to speak up?
At the Indiana Center for Prevention of Youth Abuse and Suicide, we believe those conversations need to begin long before move-in day.
Consent deserves a real conversation
“Respect other people” is a good starting point. Young people also need to understand what respect looks like in practice.
Consent must be freely given and ongoing. Agreeing to one activity does not mean agreeing to another. Agreeing once does not mean agreeing forever. Someone can change their mind, and silence is not permission. A person who is asleep, unconscious, or too impaired to make an informed choice cannot consent.
These conversations belong with young people of every gender. We need to teach them both that their own boundaries matter and that they are responsible for respecting someone else’s.
Give young people words they can actually use
It can be difficult to challenge a friend or interrupt a situation, especially when fitting in feels important. That is why “speak up” needs to come with practical examples.
Ask your teen:
What would you do if a friend was too impaired to make decisions?
What could you say if someone in your group chat was talking about harming or humiliating another person?
Who could you contact if you needed help right away?
Practice simple responses: “This isn’t okay.” “We need to stop.” “Let’s get help.”
Young people should know they can seek help from a trusted adult, campus staff member, or emergency services when someone is in danger. They do not have to handle an unsafe situation alone.
What happens in a group chat matters
Conversations about digital safety need to include how we treat people online.
We should talk with young people about degrading messages, sharing private images, and encouraging harmful behavior. Ask them what they would do if a friend crossed a line and how they could get support if challenging that friend felt unsafe.
Our expectations for respect should be just as clear in a group chat as they are face to face.
Make it safe to ask for help
When someone shares an experience of sexual harm, our response should communicate care and support. Listen without judgment, take what they say seriously, and help them find resources.
Start with words like:
“Thank you for telling me.”
“You didn’t deserve this.”
“How can I support you right now?”
For parents, another message is worth saying before a crisis ever happens: “If you or a friend needs help, call me. Your safety comes first.”
Choosing to drink, attending a party, or trusting someone does not make a person responsible for being assaulted. Responsibility rests with the person who causes harm.
Prevention begins long before move-in day
The conversations young people need before college begin with lessons we can teach in childhood: Your body belongs to you. Other people’s boundaries matter. You can ask for help when something feels unsafe.
At ICPYAS, we help build that foundation through our prevention programs.
Through Childhelp Speak Up Be Safe, students learn about personal safety, recognizing unsafe behaviors, and identifying trusted adults they can turn to for help. Those early lessons provide a starting point for deeper conversations about consent, respect, and responsibility as young people grow.
Through NetSmartz, we address safety in the digital spaces where young people connect. Conversations about group chats, private images, and online pressure are part of helping students understand that boundaries and respect matter online, too.
Through Signs of Suicide, students learn to recognize warning signs and seek help for themselves or a friend. While its focus is suicide prevention, it reinforces a message that matters across our work: When someone may be in danger, take it seriously and involve a trusted adult.
We also equip adults to help. Stewards of Children focuses on preventing, recognizing, and responding responsibly to child sexual abuse. QPR teaches adults to recognize warning signs of suicide and connect someone with help.
Together, these programs help young people and adults practice recognizing concerns, speaking up, and seeking support. Families can reinforce those lessons through everyday conversations. Schools and institutions must support them through clear expectations and responsible action.
Start the conversation. Keep it going.
You do not need a perfect speech to start. Try one question at dinner or in the car:
“If you saw someone being treated in a way that wasn’t okay, what would you do and who could help?”
Then listen. Make room for questions. Return to the conversation as your child grows and encounters new situations.
These conversations are part of the prevention work ICPYAS carries into schools and communities throughout the year. Support from our donors helps sustain that work, giving young people opportunities to learn about boundaries, recognize unsafe behaviors, and ask for help.
If you would like to support prevention education for young people in our community, please consider making a gift to ICPYAS.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual violence, support is available. Call RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673), text HOPE to 64673, or visit RAINN’s hotline. You can also view ICPYAS’s Child Sexual Abuse Resources. You do not have to navigate this alone.